growing up...

My sweet Mason started a Kids Day Out program yesterday. I had been wondering all summer how he would do and was a bit worried that he couldn't handle 5 hours away from me with complete strangers and I have to admit I had my phone right next to me all day, half expecting a phone call saying he was sad and crying and needed to come home. Well, the call never came and the person crying was me:) Earlier that morning, I pulled up to the school and walked, hand in hand with my sweet baby boy into the church. We walked past many other parents and kids, video cameras in hand as they were each experiencing their own firsts. I had to take deep breaths as I walked in the front doors and realized what I was about to do. I jokingly heard one of the secretaries at the front desk ask some of the parents if they brought their tissues. The moment was here. We walked in the class and Mason went right through the swinging door into the room and straight to the giant fire truck that he had been talking about all week (we went last week to meet the teachers and see the classroom). As I told the teacher about his "tee-tee" (blanket) and potty tips, he happily drove the fire truck around and around, apparently oblivious to the fact that he was about to be abandoned! There was nothing for me to do but leave. I went over to him and after another deep breath, I sat down next to him and said I was leaving. "Bye Mom!" No crying or whining, just a happy goodbye.

I left the room and tried to get to the exit before I made a complete fool of myself in front of the other parents out in the hall, trying to hold back my tears until I was in the safety of my car. Walking through the parking lot, desperately trying to will my tears to stay put for a minute longer. All the other parents seemed like old pros who were used to this! Back in my car, the tears flowed freely as I realized I was not sad about Mason being gone for 5 hours - heck, I am looking forward to that time that I will have with Brody and to hopefully get stuff done. No, I was sad because it was a big fat reality check that he is growing up and experiencing new things... without me. I believe that God entrusts these little people into our care to nurture and teach, but His intent is for us to also "let go" so that they can go into the world and impact it for Him. It seems the letting go process begins before you feel like you have even established the bonding process!

If you were wondering how his day went... when I returned at 2 to pick up my little man, I was surprised to see him asleep on his mat. The teacher said he laid there so still and quiet for an hour and 15 minutes (rest time is an hour and a half) and then finally fell asleep:) I swear a train could have gone through that room and he would have kept sleeping - he was SO out. I was rubbing his arm and patting his cheek and saying his name - nothing! All the other kids were sitting at the table eating their snack and he was sprawled out on his mat with his blanky over his face:) He was SO confused when he finally opened his eyes - they got as big as saucers and he just looked around the room and back at me like "where in the heck am I??" Then he smiled and wanted me to hold him (meanwhile Brody is crawling all over the place eating some cheese off the floor that one kid had dropped:) I happily sat and cuddled my "big" boy and probably looked incredibly silly, but I didn't care.